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I believe that my children will not be like me": Ngendahimana who caused the conflict in his family
Uwajeneza Donatha
Jun 11, 2024 - 09:21
Living in a home with domestic conflict can lead to emotional distress and mental health issues for children. Constant exposure to arguments, tension, or violence can cause anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), all of which can significantly impact a child's ability to focus, learn, and participate in society.
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Growing up in these circumstances can cause them to struggle to develop healthy social skills. They can't form positive relationships with others, especially with their spouses when they build their own families. These social challenges can impede their ability to live peacefully with others, to resolve their conflicts.
Nowadays, many men who have shown their transformation about gender equality and harmony and changed their way of living in family conflict, stated that the sources of their bad behavior were the ways they lived with their parents.
Ngendahimana, who lived in conflict with her wife for six years, stated that he abused his wife due to his way of growing up and being educated by his parents. Now, with her wife, Mrs. Mukankusi Josiane, they have five children; two are doing business, and others are still in school.
"Normally, children grow up because of the upbringing are given, and following what their parents did," Ngendahimana mentioned.
This is emphasized by Eric who also lived in conflict with his wife, Mrs. Isimbi Liziki, for three years but changed after being taught by the Rwanda Women's Network. He says the attitude of not being taken away from the word, beating his woman, and denying her rights, is learned from his parents.
“Many of us grew up seeing our parents live in that way, and then we grow up understanding that the property belongs to the man, the man is the one who makes decisions. Before, women had no word. They trained a boy child to live in that way and a girl child in her way... but I came to know that it is abuse, “he said.
Mrs. Isimbi Liziki emphasizes that her husband has changed after spending 21 days being taught the principles of equality and harmony. And now, they cooperate in everything, including raising their two daughters to prepare for their better future.
Ngendahimana believes his children will never be like him
Although most children imitate their parent's behaviour, Ngendahimana says his children are different because they have chosen the way of praying.
He said, "Now, I thank God that the children like to pray. Some of them prayed in Adventist of Seven-Day, others in ADEPR. I thank God because I felt it wouldn't happen. After all, we were always in conflict.”
Ngendahimana testifies that the conflict they faced did not affect their mental health, and the children are happy with his change, especially since there were some nights they spent in the wild to escape him, and some of the domestic animals completely disappeared.
This is also confirmed by her wife, Mrs. Mukankusi Josiane who says that when the children saw their father, they used to run away, everyone ran away, but now they meet and talk to him, and consult him, all of which are part of the fact that her husband understood the principle of equality and harmony.
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